There is a line that unmedicated folks suffering from mental illness often say. That line is some variant of the following:
“I don’t want to take medication. I don’t need it. It will change me. I’ll be a zombie.”
Let’s take a look at that line of thought. First, you do need it. Anyone with a serious mental illness needs medication. We are sick! Would someone with any other sort of serious diagnosed illness stop taking their medication because they didn’t think they needed it? Not if they wanted to get better or prevent a worsening of circumstances!
Next, yes it will change you and it will change you for the better. Now, before anyone goes and tears my head off, I realize that the last thing I wrote above weighs heavy on this part of the discussion; that is, the zombie factor. Personally, I have taken Zoloft, Paxil, Effexor and a whole slew of benzodopamines (lorazepam and clonazepam) and excluding the latter category as they are tranquilizers, the first three did make me a zombie. I am currently taking a moderate to high dose of Prozac with almost no side effects. It takes a long time to find the right combination of medication and there can be rather trying and difficult times during the process of experimentation but you have to do it! You have to change yourself! You are sick and the bottom line is that, when you are sick (especially as a result of a chemical imbalance in your freaking brain!) you have to take medication to get better.
So, why is nature boy talking about this today?
Yesterday I stood on Stone River National Battlefield in Murfreesboro Tennessee. I stood on a ridge where an advancing Rebel line was brutalized by a cannon line of the Union. I stood where 1800 soldiers died in a January afternoon. I was able to experience this National Park because I am medicated and because I am in active therapy. I am 900 miles from my home and my precious routine. I am 15 hours away from all the checks, compulsions, and behavioral patterns that I believe make me okay and I am almost fine. That’s right readers. As I am writing this on my last day in Nashville I have had less than 10 panic attacks since Tuesday and my ambient anxiety level has been manageable. Thus far, I have survived alright.
I will have pictures and stories from all the parks and places I visited in Tennessee starting on Monday. For today (and tomorrow) this post will be here to serve as my statement of support for anyone like me. If you think you have a serious problem (that means that you have an unusual level of anxiety or dysfunction that interferes with your daily life) talk to your doctor. Get a recommendation for a therapist. Take the first step because honestly, one step can lead to 15 hours of steps into Tennessee.
Like Michelle Said to me: “you got this…..and we’re here the entire way to help….”
We are one big happy screwed up family folks, and I am here for anyone who has any questions or wants to get help and doesn’t know how. My private email is andrewkleiner@gmail.com. You can contact me anytime.
Thanks for reading. (Back to Nature on Monday but this stuff will be back just as quickly)
Special Thanks to Jaime K for paving the way for me to make a post series like these.
#1 by savethekales on November 27, 2010 - 1:33 pm
Andrew,
You have always inspired me in the way you talk so beautifully about everything you know and do, but also because you are one of the rare people to actually DO THINGS, too. Whether or not people agree with you, no one can deny that people stepping out from behind their computers and putting in the legwork for whatever they are trying to achieve is commendable. Your passion is always evident.
Thank you for the mention. Often when I write “inspirational” posts, it’s as much for me as for others. I need to remind myself everyday to keep things in perspective, not fall under the waves of depression and anxiety, and remember that positive perspective and doing things to work toward my goals is so important.
I’ve had a strange month myself, and so have many people I’ve talked to. Not that I want others to feel badly but there is a sense of “we’re all in this together” which is comforting in a way.
Thank you for your candid honesty. You are a great example of so much that is good – and please continue to write. It is an outlet for others as much as for you.
-Jaime K
#2 by Heather H. on November 27, 2010 - 2:31 pm
Great post Andrew. This is exactly why I know we will have a great time traveling to and visiting the Everglades in December 2011, despite what any of the naysayers believe.
#3 by Andrew Kleiner on November 27, 2010 - 2:36 pm
Thanks everyone. How does May look Heather?
#4 by Heather H. on November 27, 2010 - 2:54 pm
I graduate May 18th. After that my schedule is open. I guess the adventure bug dug in and isn’t leaving you alone either? Are you talking Everglades in May…or Yosemite?
During my 45 minute drive to my family’s Thanksgiving dinner all I could think of was my travels in August and how much I wanted to get back on the road and explore. And, of course, because of my recent travel history my family always asks where & when my next adventure will be.
#5 by Andrew Kleiner on November 27, 2010 - 5:33 pm
Heather – Yosemite, it’s on.
#6 by No Name Please on December 6, 2010 - 3:12 pm
Thank you for a sensitive and inspirational post. What is it about nature that some of us just need so much to feel balanced? Thank you for being a defender of nature and for being honest about the unbalanced parts of you.
You have found your niche. You have made a home in your corner of the internet and you are healing the Allentown Parks system and the world. One blog post at a time. Kudos to you.
#7 by laini on December 7, 2010 - 7:00 pm
Thank you for this wonderful post, Andrew. You and Jaime have no idea how many people you may help… thanks to your bold, beautiful bravery. Hopefully one day I will share my experiences as well.
Be well,
laini